2000 Word Context Essay - First Draft
This is my first draft for my 2000 word context essay. I'm having problems shortening the essay to fit the world count, even after cutting out the historical context of Aladdin (1992). The essay is currently sitting at 2583 (not including bibliography and Harvard illustrations list). If you have any suggestions on what could be cut out or shortened let me know.
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Hi Shannon - okay, a couple of things then: one I think you could shrink your story synopsis a lot - just cut to the chase. You also need to take a moment to read this 'out loud' to yourself - as I read it I could see sentences that didn't quite make sense - the word order is a bit clunky; read it out loud and you'll quickly see the bits I mean.
ReplyDeleteA thing you need to be careful of: your tone - you start to sound like you're pounding on Disney, when you're job is to show how it's possible to argue that Aladdin is problematic in terms of its Orientalism: you write somewhere that Disney is guilty of a 'warped display' - but really you need to phrase these observations less subjectively - so you need to phrase things more so like ... 'According to Turner, Disney's representation of X is distorted for x,yz reasons' - if you read over your essay, you will see that you're slipping into a rather opinionated style...
In terms of reducing your word count you are allowed to go 10% above or below - so you're not doing too badly. One way to tighten things up is to paraphrase more than you quote, so take fewer words to say the same things as someone else?